I'd like to add that one problem with soft saddles is that foam padding likes to fill voids. So even if your pelvic bones are softly ensconced on the wide part of the saddle, the foam in all the other places is putting pressure where you don't want it.

Get a well-made firm saddle that works with your anatomy and riding posture.

And right you are about the saddle too high, pecos. 39 years ago I went the route you describe and it hurt my crotch and bunged up my knees so badly I thought I'd never again ride more than 20 miles at a time. Then I fell in with a racing club, got some coaching, lowered the saddle, and learned how to turn the cranks around. Now, every once in a while I need to fiddle with my position, like when I buy new shoes or footbeds, and if my crotch hurts or gets numb, it's telling me to lower the saddle a half-centimeter or so.