Saddle height and setback are your first things to attack first when getting setup. These two measurements will dictate the balance over your saddle so their is little weight on your hands. In other words the amount of setback at the most forward position that allows your hands to be lifted off the handlebars and not put a strain on your torso.

A higher bar position usually pivots the body back requiring more saddle setback. A more aero position with the handlebars lower pivots the person forward so there is less saddle setback.

Get that figured out before you start doing anything with your bars/stem setup. Once you have that figured out then you can start figuring out handlebar reach. A normal person likes to have their back at a 45 degree angle to the ground when their hands are on top of the handlebars/brake levers. Their upper arms will be at a 90 degree angle to their body and there will be a slight bend at their elbows. A normal range for people of average size is to have the distance between the nose of the saddle and the back of the handlebars somewhere between 48-52cm. This distance is juggled around with the amount of handlebar drop which varies between 4-5cm for an "average" non overweight person. A younger competitive(more flexible) will want to be 7-11cm lower. The taller the person the greater the bar drop.

Also as one ages and gains weight and loses flexibility the bar will want to be higher and right about even with the saddle.

Sorry to ramble on but we got drilled on this in framebuilding school as this is the key to designing and making a custom frame. It's not a case of making a person fit a frame but making a frame to fit the person.

I think it's a saddle selection issue and taking weight off the saddle is the last thing you want to do because where else is that weight going to be transfered...the only other contact point being your arms. Mind you I have three Brooks saddle(two Team Pro's and a B17 Imperial narrow) and found them not to be the comfyiest of all my saddles. I've got a Selle San Marco Regal that I did a century on this summer and did great. The year before I had a Team Pro and I was numb just over halfway through. I've got a love hate relationship with them but their so damn nice looking.