For C&V, wheels I think as long you ar not a "Clydsdale" and is at or under 160 pounds, you can safely use 28h, three cross wheels with strong designed deeper sectioned rims like the aero shaped rims of the late 80's. I have a 28h rimmed (Wolber Profil 20 with DT aerolite oval spokes and beefy Stronglight Delta hubs) wheels that feels much stiffer and stronger than my conventional section Mavic GL330 rimmed, 3 cross wheels. As long as you have the right combination of rims, spoke and spoke patter and not a heavyweight, I dont think you need to be too nervous about 28H rimmed wheels.
I think your being too conservative. I'm a clyde, just south of 240lbs and have been riding a 28h 3 cross for several years without a problem, even in the NE where a smooth road means they filled the pot holes. I won't jump curbs with them but I don't think twice otherwise. As for keeping them true, they get no more attention than my 32H, 36H or even 40H rims. Maybe I'm a fool and have been lucky so far but I think wheels are generally overbuilt.