Steve, take the Wheel to a bike shop, get a replacement spoke
and nipple from them.. they can see what you need .
since you did not measure [anything] and say a length.
(wheel size rim model cross pattern . all that)

RE #2) Realistically. how tight would be a tension meter owner's dialog
a word, metaphor / analogy is not accurate, like a number,
(standard unit of measure is best) .

once in the bike shop see what the spoke tension is like
on the new bikes on the floor.. then I could say ... "That tight."