One bag - fail (single pannier, on the wrong side nonetheless)
Slam the stem - fail (adjustable stem at it's highest, with northroads bars)
No airzound - questionable (bell)
White bar tape - fail (rubber grips)
Lights - fail (hub generator headlight, backup headlight, rear blinkie)
Drive side picture - fail
No mirror - pass
Remove chainguard - fail (chainguard affixed with zip-ties)
Tire lights - check (but I'm working on it)
Kickstand - fail (built in)

Extra fred points for fenders, reflective tape, SA 3-speed coaster brake hub, 35mm tires, ashtabula crank, old-school rubber pedals.

Add my high-vis vest and virtually unlimited supply of bike-related tee-shirts, and I'm fredtastic.