If you decide to give some Indian food a try, and you should, they're going to ask you how spicy you want it. Don't say hot. And if you do say hot and they ask you if you want American hot or Indian hot, don't say Indian hot.

I wasn't allowed to kiss my ex girlfriend for hours after we'd have Indian food.

The first time I order something "Indian hot" in a new restaurant, the people who work there usually all watch me eat and try not to laugh. But, they refill my cup like a waterfall.