Hi everyone and thanks so much for all your help. So I bit the bullet (yikes) and ordered one way out of my league all for the color. I'm sure that disgusts at least a few of you (!) and that you're thinking for $900 I could have bought some other super amazing and more befitting bike but ah well - I was tired of dealing with this and thought the compromise would work - knock on woodl

It's the Trek FX 7.5 (see what I mean? I don't need all those higher components) and it's a men's bike in size 17.5 so fits me better, and it's white with red details so once I've castrated it with a red powder-coated metal front basket I found - ahem - it'll make me feel more girly!

I don't know if such tiny tires will be good for me, so if anyone knows if their tires are durable and can take a tiny bit of occasional off-roading (or if I should upgrade or actually it would more likely be downgrade!) to something beefier, please do let me know. Here's the bike, which arrives sometime under 2 weeks:

http://www.trekbikes.com/us/en/bikes...ness/fx/7_5_fx

Tire info: Bontrager Race All-Weather Hard-Case, 700x28c

Thanks so much and please wish me luck (and don't hate me too much for being a silly superficial idiot who may indeed not deserve this bike)!