Thanks Robbie, I guess that brings new meaning to the term "sidesaddle".

So just in case anyone else is having trouble out there, here's where I went wrong: I could not for the life of me figure out how to attach the cable to the second attach point. I was trying to clamp it down with pressure from the clamp nut on the second caliper. What I never noticed was, there is actually a small hole going through the nut that you are supposed to thread the cable through, then tighten. *facepalm*

So yeah, that was way easier than I was making it, and now I get to completely replace the cabe because in all my monkeying around, I frayed it pretty good.