"Thanks for volunteering to replace it at full value when it comes up stolen!"

This usually gets the response, "I'm not buying you another bike!" To which I say, "Then STFU!" (Except I don't spell it....)

One time, with three kids with me, I used the U-lock and my 9' cable; some ghetto thug outside Dollar General kept repeating (looking for a rise out of me), "That's a PEE WEE HERMAN lock, heh-heh!" Any answer I would have given would have ultimately resulted in the U-lock being used to break the thug's teeth.

Another time, I was rolling my bike into a store; some other thug in the parking lot hollered, "AIN'T NOBODY GONNA STEAL YO' BIKE, DUDE!" (Yeah -- you'll be the first one to try if I leave it out......)