I'd scratch the Paramount tape off with a butter knife before I'd subject my prostate to a trail ride on the Huffy.

Get doored at 30mph - at least you and the 'dooree' are the only ones who have to know how bad you're hurting.

Bike - because I'm overweight and could do with missing a meal.

Dream frame with Dept store hardware - just won't change gears for 1 year.

No decals - hate em anyway.

Daydream - save the energy in case I truly get the opportunity to be "da man" with said group of sweeties.

I know what women really think and it usually ends with me 'tossing myself off...'

Accept some yahoo riding a gem-turned-abomination - I've no right to say 'how' it should be ridden.

Heart - I got shot and killed in the head once and it hurt like the dickens.

Hand over the bikes but crack a few welds first and hope her new spouse lives just long enough so I can stop paying alimony.

I'd rather destroy my Sunday Best - there are so many beautiful old jewels out there, but finding a favorite bike that fits you 'just right' can take years.

Dancing - my wife is a total Babe.

My Question:

Would you rather have to do a century on a ridiculously sloped track bike in skinny jeans, or a recumbent with helmet mounted mirror?