groovestew

This is my third year in a Randonneuring club. The first year, I completed only a 200 and a 300 because that's all I could make time for that year. Because I was new, the rides were tough, but rewarding.

Last year, I started out all bright eyed and bushy tailed, intending to complete a SR series. I finished a 400 (on my second attempt, a week after a humiliating DNF), but it took a lot out of me, and doubts about my abilities started to creep in. Later that summer, I bailed ⅔ of the way through a 300 km solo ride (not a randonee) because I was struggling, and an easy way out presented itself. For several reasons (or excuses, more likely) I opted against a 600 that year, and my goal to complete a series went unfulfilled.

This year, I wasn't quite as bright eyed and bushy tailed, but I still made plans to complete a series, and even made tentative plans for a 1000, pending successful completion of a 600. It appears that this is not my year either.

I got off to a slow start this year, and had a tough time with the first 200 of the year. Not great for my motivation. But a couple weeks later, things turned around, and I rode a strong 300. So it was with a lot of enthusiasm and high expectations that I began a 400 a couple weeks later. It shouldn't have been hard ride to complete...the winds weren't kind, but they could have been much worse. My riding partner that day ran out of steam and bailed after 230 km. This was a guy who had also finished the 300 very strongly, and seeing him DNF was disheartening. I was still feeling okay at that point, but I made it only another 60 km before I pretty much bonked. I made the call of shame, then limped another 25 km to where my wife picked me up.

Feeling very disappointed in myself, I decided to tackle another 300 the next weekend, just to get another ride completed at a distance I knew I could manage. It started off great; I had favourable winds, good energy, and even having to deal with a flat, I still managed to finish the first 200 km in just over 8 hours - pretty outstanding for me. I knew the last 100 would be the most challenging due to winds that had picked up during the day and some good hills. Still, I made decent time, and by the 250 km mark, I knew I had a good shot at finishing in about 12:30, my best time by over an hour. But a little while later, I bonked. By 275 km, I knew I was not taking in enough calories, but I was so close to the end, I just kept pressing on. I tried eating, but I just about retched. I had some weak Cytomax that I sipped, but it wasn't enough. At 290 km, I was having trouble keeping my head up, and couldn't keep a straight line on my bike. Considering how busy the road was, I began to worry about my safety, fearing I would inadvertently weave into traffic, so I finally pulled over. I collapsed in the ditch, and lay there shaking for about 10 minutes.

I was pretty freaked out by that point, and once again, made the call of shame, only 8 km from the finish. By the time my wife was able to get to my location, I had been there for about an hour. I had stopped shaking, taken in some nutrients, and was starting to feel better, and probably could have easily finished the ride at a nice easy pace, but I couldn't put my wife through the trouble of interrupting her plans and driving out to rescue me, only to tell her she was no longer needed. After my desperate plea for help on the phone, I don't think she would have let me ride the rest anyway.

I know what I did wrong in all my DNFs. At least half of my long distance rides so far, I ended up riding solo for most, if not the whole, route, and all my DNFs were on such rides. Then, left to my own devices, I let myself make unreasonable expectations for my abilities, push myself too hard, don't fuel myself enough, and refuse to take breaks. When I realize I can't meet my expectations, I get disappointed, and start losing motivation. My poor mental state is then compounded by physical problems due to over exertion and lack of caloric intake. It then becomes too easy to give up. For me to be successful at this sport, I need to stop treating it like a race, and be willing to listen to my body, take needed breaks, and fuel up properly. But it’s not in my nature to take it easy, and it ticks me off that I can’t ride like I think I should be able to. Why I think I can ride like others who put 2-3 times as many miles on their bikes than I do is beyond me.

Anyway, if you made it this far, thanks for reading. I don’t really have a point, but if anyone would like to share relevant experience and/or suggest how to relax and temper my expectations, please do.