Hello RG,
First off, it takes a lot of courage to post a message like yours and be honest. I commend you for that.
The last couple of years have been very difficult for me. I lost my dear wife when she passed away in August 2010. She had four lawsuits against clients that were in progress when she passed away. They went to mediation and the client's lawyer via the mediator had the nerve to tell me, since your wife is dead your case is weak!
My two grown sons have had some personal and legal issues that they have had to deal with the last couple of years....some unresolved...so that wears on me.
But I decided about a year ago I had to get out and do something different, and that was cycling. It has been a tremendous blessing for me and I've made some great friends, something I've never been good at.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that we as humans have an amazing way of overcoming many things in our lives. My late wives family was such a blessing for those first six months I was in shock after losing my wife. I will never, never forget that, ever. My faith has gotten me through many tough times.
When I feel sorry for myself I come to grips and remind myself that many other people have their own issues that they somehow overcome via their sheer fortitude, friends and professional help.
I don't know if I can help any but I truly believe you will overcome this issue, I have faith in you. Reach out to your family, friends and seek the professional help you need. Here' s looking forward to you getting back to where you want to be and there is always an open door to a visit to south Texas to ride or just a visit. I'd be more than happy to meet you and your wife...a change in scenery might be good
Hang in there I know you can overcome this!