Thanks all. I hadn't really been thinking flexibly, but now I've got a lot more ideas. Somehow I convinced myself the Breezer Uptown has a threadless headset, but it's threaded so a Periscopa and longer reach handlebars would work.

Ape hangers are a great idea. I like this example. Rans even makes a 3-way "chopper" bar adjustable for rise, reach and angle.

The no weight thing is because of repetitive strain injury from typing w/ bad posture & switching from electric to acoustic guitar.