If this were an isolated incident I would agree with you but I don't think it was. Clearly the OP's hubby had some built up frustration about the situation and if refusing the tool this time kept him from yelling at some guy on the ride or whatever I don't see anything wrong with it. Even if he did say something like "yeah, I've got the tool, here ya go. but this is getting out of hand. Some of you guys need to get your act together and bring your own stuff" what would they do? Probably ignore him and keep on mooching.

A better solution might be to lend the tool to a friend before the ride so you can honestly say "no, I don't have the tool" but won't get caught in a lie if you need to whip it out for your own repairs