Actually I once toyed with the idea of altering the flora that sprouts around the palm. I too thought a trim might just gussy things up and make the shorts fit a tad more comfortable. So I tried it once. The shrubbery was not happy. Kicked up such a fuss, I fidgeted and squirmed the first ride out. No, high and tight was not going to work. Besides, my wife asked where I had been recently. She mentioned something about it looked like I was having a battle with some crustaceans. And if I was, would a matchbox hold my clothes? So in order to bring some calm to the palm and save my marriage, I let the bushes grow back.

But I still wanted to bring some civility and order to the lower region. I thought about what might work. And then I remembered once long ago in times best forgotten, I sported the long hair hippie look. Wore my hair down to almost my waist. And the only thing that kept my freak flag under control was to braid it. "Aha", I thought. After much experimentation and awkward and clumsy attempts, I finally mastered the art of the "Treeway Braid". Nothing dresses up a parade ground like a couple of nice hedges wrapped around the ole flagpole. Just don't get one of em caught in your zipper.