Originally Posted by
supernovae
Unless you know a town with padded roads with no cars allowed and everyone is super nice, you can't move to avoid what you don't know is coming. Sure, there are bike friendly towns, pedestrian friendly and family friendly towns but you can't hide from it all and putting a moving option on the table sure seems like you're capitulating to fear..
I think we need to own up to something. A fair amount of posts in this forum deal with mitigating risks be it with lighting, reflective clothing, helmets, taking the lane or not, riding on sidewalks vs. the street or choosing a different route altogether. People that drive to work do not worry about this sort of thing.
I've been hit by a car, as I imagine a lot of you have, and we've had fellow forum members badly injured. Further, a major reason why more people don't ride to work is because of concerns about safety.
I think it's foolish to pretend that this stuff isn't real. The OP's wife isn't some nut job that whose fears should just be waved away.
In any relationship, but especially a marriage, it's all about win-win. Ignoring the wishes or fears of one spouse puts you on the fast track to a failed marriage.
The OP owes it to his wife to acknowledge her fear in a real way. She owes it to him to not stand in the way of him doing things that bring him enjoyment, fulfillment or whatever you want to call it. But in this case, the two are in conflict and they need to explore solutions. Maybe they'd be happier in a different location for other reasons, but by putting that option moving on the table, he's both letting her know how important it is for him to continue to bike and how important her happiness is to him.
Now, moving is just one example of a solution. There might be others including riding a shorter or longer distance to avoid areas she's the most concerned about.