Well, Pcad I do wish you the very best. As someone who has jumped through a bunch of hoops to stay on a bike I sympathize fully and will hope for relief if not recovery.
If this doesn't work Di2 is something that could help me with the various convoluted options I've tried for shifting both derailleurs from the right side of my bars. Just say'n.
You would have the satisfaction of getting me off Campy and onto your beloved Dura Achee as well.