OK, I've been riding a long time, so all these have happened to me at some point...

I've fallen twice from not unclipping.
I almost lost it to a speed wobble at 45 mph.
I crashed from touching a wheel while drafting.
I get lost occasionally on streets I should know.
I flew over the bars 3 times while mountain biking.
I crashed because my tire got stuck in a drain cover.
A guy wearing sandals with flat pedals rode me off his wheel.
I bonked so bad I had to beg a soda from some people having a picnic.
I had to stop and puke at the top of a hill while my friend waited for me.
I rode in the dark with no lights because I was too lazy to charge the batteries.
I constantly go too hard at the beginning of a ride or climb, then falter toward the end.
Part of my scrotum was numb for a week because I was too stupid to stand up occasionally.

There are more, but I can't think of them right now, or I've blocked them out of my memory!