This is wonderful! Nice to hear these stories.

here's mine, and I'm not a numbers guy:

-I have no idea what 53/21 or 38/25 is. At all. Even if it was explained, I would short-circuit and catch fire.
-I have yet to fall off my bike while clipped. But I did fall walking in my shoes while going to a water fountain............at a softball field...............with the local GIRLS HS softball team watching. Yeah, I'm pretty smooth.
-I would win the "Whitest Legs" contest. Don't even try to beat me.
-My helmet always seems to sit lopsided, making my already melon-sized head look even worse.
-I can climb any hill around my neighborhood, but I need to rest for a few minutes (possibly hours) before I can continue.
-Towards to end of a grueling ride, an adorable gal on a cruiser waved and said "hi", and I couldn't respond because I needed that breath just to stay alive.

You guys are SOOOOOOOOOOO jealous.

Duane