OK, I'll play.
Denver, CO here. Fully conversant with both C & V and MTB's. Trained by a former Chicago Schwinn Factory Master Mechanic & Instructor. Spent 16 years working for several shops in the Denver area ('84-'00).
If you're looking for a white lab coat, reflector wearing 'technician' working out of a sterile, cleanroom environment... that's not me. But, if you want no BS answers and solutions... then c'mon down!
All forms of payment accepted, including barleypops & spirits; home baked goods are especially welcomed. No farm barter though, unless you're holding Hatch Green Chiles!