In my opinion, unless you are willing to invest in a power meter or at the minimum a hr meter, training on your own is pretty difficult. It's very hard to be honest with yourself about how much work you are putting in.
as an example, I did a local climb on Sunday with my wife. It's not all that long or steep and was about the hallway point of my ride so I decided I was going to push and get a new
pr on strava. I was convinced I had blown away my previous record when I got to the top. However when I got home and looked on strava, I was to the second the exact same as my previous time.
over the summer I was training with a coach. What I saw was mostly tempo rides during the week, or working at 80% of my FTP for given intervals. In the beginning the intervals were short. Say 3 sets of 3 minute work with 3 minute rest, then ride below 60% for the remainder of the ride. Over time they increased to 3 x 20 with 5 minute rest. Once a week he would give me death intervals (my name) where I would do short intervals to 100-120% FTP. On weekend I had a long ride that started around two hours and worked up to over 4 by the end of the summer. He would throw in one rest day and one easy spin day in the week usually.
i know many people don't train with power or think its a waste. I am in the other camp. It's amazing to me to see me start a big climb. I can hold say 220 for about an hour, but then I just watch my power taper off to the 180 range. I simply can't hold that power any longer. Odd thing is even when I do hit that wall and drop back to the 180 range, my hr doesn't really go down, so if I was only looking at that, I am not sure i would realize how much I had slacked off.
Also watching my peak 5 minute, and 20 minute power increase over the summer was kind of fun.
in addition what
js said about competitive groups is oh so true. I got stupid and went out with a mixed a and b grouped for a 30 mile ride...I learned what pain was all about that day. One little mistake, you select the wrong gear, you don't stand quickly enough on a little rise, you don't pay attention to a break, and you are shot off the back with little hope of ever reeling in that lead group.
i hit new highs in all my power ranges that day only because I was so focused on hanging with the skinnies. Had I been solo, I would have thought that too hard and not continued to push.
i agree with your wife, find a plan. I would however suggest a base building plan for the winter then start a more race oriented plan prior to spring.
if you have a trainer, or hr meter check out trainerroad.com. For 10 bucks a month they give you workouts, a complete training plan, and analysis of your efforts. I love that software...but be prepared for the suck that comes with training indoors...I hate that part...an hour on the trainer is like two outdoors (to me anyway). Those guys that post they did 3 and 4 hours on a trainer are forking nuts