I find that terrain, weather, and distance never show up at my house in the morning and advise me how to dress. That would be more like a valet, and I haven't had one of those since the downturn in magnesium futures forced me to dismiss most of my domestic staff.

I suppose that through research and observation, one might develop the skill to infer the appropriate attire for a given set of conditions, and even then, different investigators might arrive at different inferences. This is exactly the sort of process that tends to give rise to silly discussions such as the current one. Besides, cyclists need some way to kill time between rides.