naw trust me man (or sir, rather. thank you for your service), all of that is just like, too much to think about- i feel like we do need to reflect and prepare but also appreciate by being in our own experience fully because sht is just too much. idk, i try to put all of that in a special place and i do my best. and naw, i didnt come on here hoping people would feel sorry for me- i just wanted to vent, maybe work on my post count a little and maybe hear about someone else's crap. though, i do appreciate the kind things people have said, wasn't expecting that at all haha.