that must be some fire they have going down in the valley. by the time i was coming down the hill towards the bridge the smoke looked like bad winter fog. i'm still mixing it up, trying to find something that will feel like a groove, but i don't think i'm there yet.

wore my runners instead of my sandals today, sandals in a bag. took a jar of peanut butter and a box of granola bars to work, to go with my bagels. also!! orange juice with plain yogurt in it, absolutely a keeper. my backpack checked in at 12 pounds on the scale but it was worth every caffeine-deprived second i spent at the sink this morning carefully inserting yogurt through the neck of an old coke bottle with a teaspoon. wish i could bike to work in my pyjamas, i really do. i could, if i weren't so short on the chutzpah for it. on the way home found a trail/track/empty space with a 2-inch path worn across it that looks like it will solve the mess of getting over once i'm on that side of the bridge. go me.

instantly tired the moment i set out this morning. i just don't grok that, but the strange thing is that a) coming-home time is staying constant or getting shorter and b) i do seem to recover faster once i've worked up a sweat. don't grok that either, but mine not to reason why.

came home into what i guess was a headwind. if i use that side of the bridge it might be a constant, since the traffic's oncoming to me. could also just be the direction the wind blows down the river once the day's winding up. guess i'll find out, over time. i don't think i'm QUITE ready to look down while i'm riding, not yet.

work just drags since i started commuting by bike. not sure why, really. mind you it's another of those grody doldrum patches, but i'm also just physically restless all the time, seems like. tired, to be honest. i think some part of me thinks that just getting there is a full day's effort and i should be allowed to go back home and sleep now. i think i really hate getting there late too; i sit around sulking and thinking 'what a waste of all that fine high energy and sense of purpose'. a day that starts at 10am just never seems to get off the damned ground, and then i get home late and sit up too late chasing the reset-my-head time i should have got before going inside to work. i ain't dumb; i just ain't thinking too good.

still, i think i might drive tomorrow. kid will be over on the other side of town and will probably need to be fetched. have to spend the day collaborating with someone whose thinking style irks me square on a cheerful day, so lets not set me up with a glycogen deficit. and my knees are being a little scary. stoopid insertion points.

eating spaghetti with antipasto-out-of-a-jar on it. would love an orange, but don't feel like peeling it.