Ummm....at the risk of being cheeky, so many choices....butt which one will you choose to help keep your finances from going into arrears...that is assuming you have not already put the problem behind you.

*black shoe polish on your cheeks...easy on, easy off
*ride a recumbent...be 'cool' and nobody sees the holes in your shorts
*train harder...if they can't catch you they can't see you
*captain a tandem...your wife would be the preferable stoker and the only one with the view
*dye your shorts to match your complexion...no-brainer
*wear a fanny pack...cover-up plus you could start a seventies retro thing

I hope we haven't given you a bum steer with all these numerous suggestions, we're just trying to help keep your backside covered. We've got your '6. Please tell us how you resolve this issue as we are all anxious to learn how you got the bottom of this cover-up issue.