I have a front rack, seen here:


I strap a soft messenger bag to it, as you can see here:


Personally, I like this option. And I carry pretty much all of the things you are asking about, along with shoes, belt, pocket stuff, etc. and when I get to work, I can just use it as a messenger bag, because that's what it is.
I'm not sure if this rack would work on your bike, and probably you wouldn't want it anyway, judging from your outlook on panniers, racks, etc. but I thought I'd mention it.

That said, I am getting a rear rack in the next couple of weeks to try out how I like riding with panniers.