Thank you all for your encouragement and insights. Thinking back on last summer, I think some of you are correct in that I was "burned out". I had forgotten that I was part of my employer's Endomondo riding challenge. For a long time, I was the top or the second top at my work and we were in the corporate category and were trying to stay ahead of one of the other NASA centers in our state. I put in a lot of miles and rode pretty much every day because one got 20 points for every day they rode, (then one point for each mile). Yeah, I did get burned out from that.

And, I also think it just wasn't my day. That's never happened to me before. Guess I'll just have to get used to these in my "middle age" years.

However, I will not stop pushing myself. Oh, it's fun enough! Casual rides with Jane are very fun, and I have to constantly tell her that "No, you are not holding me back. It is more important to just be together. If I want to ride hard, I'll do it another day." I do have fun riding, even when I'm pushing myself. There is always the scenery, watching "stuff" happen, and as I've said in the past, the seat of a bicycle is the perfect place to think, to sort stuff out, plan things, remember experiences, etc.

I'll also talk to the dean and tell him that two classes is all I can handle each semester. He's going to retire pretty soon, so I just may as well stop teaching at that same time. I teach for the fun and reward it gives me in touching young lives. The pay is nice, but I don't really need it.

"Why am I pushing myself so much?" I don't have the slightest idea. Didn't really think I was.

Depending on how my fitness comes back, perhaps I'll just ride two back-to-back metric centuries this coming August, within a 24-hour period. That way, I'll get my birthday mileage in, but won't be pushing myself beyond the emotional breaking point. I have noticed the past few years that right at the 80 mile marker of a century or double-metric century, I start getting thoughts of wishing the ride were over. The butt is starting to get sore, (no matter how good a seat one has). The fatigue of five hours of riding starts setting in. One can only eat so much "energy" junk food before you go "Blah. This stuff isn't satisfying.", and I just want to be done with the ride. Still, never wanted to quit on those last 20 or 40 miles. Had to get back to the car, right?

Thanks again, everyone. I really do appreciate your time in reading and posting your thoughts.

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p.s. Part of "pushing it" has to do with health issues. Being diabetic, I can't afford to goof off. Physical health and fitness is the key to enjoying a fruitful, enjoyable life, (for a diabetic). My parents died much too soon, partly, or mostly due to poor physical conditioning. Of their six children, the two youngest ones are gone, again due to health issues, or lack of a healthy lifestyle. I'm going to push myself as long as I can because I don't want to be like my parents, or even like my other living brothers, (only one of which is fairly healthy).