I'm sorry, it's clearly not the bike for you. I've a friend down in Texas who's most happy to come and box it up for me...
But, seriously, it doesn't look that far off to me. I think the stem is fine - my rule of thumb has been when up on the bars a straight line from eye to front hub would pass thru (or close to) the handlebars. The second seems to have you close to that.
Jealous, jealous, jealous...
Looks like I just need to strengthen up and man up a bit, then. I appreciate your (and everyone's) help.
If you or your friend wants bikes, I've got bikes... nothing near as pretty as this Cinelli, though. My '80 Raleigh Grand Prix and '82-ish Schwinn both need a nice home that'll fix them up and ride them. We're about to move, and I've been told we're not lugging all of my bikes with us.