ChiroVette

Understood.

And your position, even in the areas we disagree, I can completely admire. There is no inherent hypocrisy in your philosophy because you apply the same rigid, unimpeachable standard across the board. No red lights, no coasting through stop signs, no riding against traffic, etc, etc.. I would never, in a million years argue against this position, even though I don't personally share it. I guess what I was responding and reacting to were the people in this thread who have decided to arbitrarily create one set of traffic laws that are inviolate and another set of traffic laws that can be broken at an experienced rider's discretion. I think we can all agree that regardless of one's position on cyclists breaking laws, that the former has the virtue of being consistent and completely honest, while the latter is, at best, a slippery slope of cycling-ethics.

You don't break the law, period, that's that, the end, no way, no how, Sayonara, see you, good night, and Fuggedaboutit! You, my friend, are an inspiration, even to the lawless hoards like me and I salute you, offering this thumbs-up!

It is definitely a tough situation, regardless on one's stance on this issue, to see someone inexperienced who thinks they know better. You know, there is a possible way you can get around this, or at least help her to be safer within her paradigm, but you're probably not going to like it. It involves compromising your standard with her a little, which is why you aren't going to like it. Here is the way I see it. She is your wife, and you and her likely have a history of arguing like all couples do, and even some friendly one-upsmanship going on. Its normal in relationships. Unfortunately, her trying to one-up you in this case isn't just going to break the dishwasher or clog up the drain if she's wrong, but it could severely injure her or worse, God forbid!

The problem I see now with your wife's habits is not necessarily the law breaking, per se, but a twofold issue: One, as you said, she is inexperienced. Two, she is trying to one-up you by proving you wrong at all costs! So steadfastly focused on proving you wrong and her right, she is concentrating on that and NOT on her own safety. That is a bad situation you have there, and the only solution I see it, other than taking away her bike and locking her in a dungeon, of course, would be to short-circuit her goals of proving you wrong, by coming down just a little from your position and helping teach her to be safe or at least a great deal safer. First of all, its obvious she isn't going to listen to you about this anyway, right? So adapt to her needs in this case by taking away the argument from her. In other words, LET HER THINK SHE WON. By not being critical of her desire to break the law, and letting her have the argument because you help her to gain more experience and to drive safer within the framework of her cycling ideals, she will no longer be so rigidly focused on proving you wrong and WINNING the argument because you are going to forfeit it...somewhat. Hell, even if she isn't anymore experienced but STOPS trying so desperately to prove you wrong, that alone will likely increase her safety factor tenfold because she can stop trying to concentrate on "beating you."

Look, when I was a kid, my parents didn't like the fact that I was experimenting with weed, booze, and some hallucinogenics. They didn't like the neighborhoods I had to go into in order to cop, and they of course were worried and terrified for my safety. In the end, however, they decided that the best and safest course would be to allow me and my friends, in a limited way, to get high in my house rather than on the streets where anything could happen. Now this was a potentially dangerous thing, too, but I believe they did the right thing. In the first place, they demystified drugs to me, and took the adolescent rebellion out of the equation. in the second, when I had a bad trip of a bad experience, I was home, and not in the middle of a Brooklyn ghetto where I could be killed. I know they agonized over this decision, but I think they chose wisely.

If your wife is going to break traffic laws anyway, she might as well learn how to do it in a way that is much safer than she is now, right?

You know what? I have never been an I-Told-You-So kind of a guy. My sympathy and empathy does not come at the cost of living a life I believe you should and of following my moral compass. I will give you a tragic example from my own life. My little sister is 42 now, will be 43 in September. Two years ago this past July 6th, we had all taken a family cruise to New England, and at the very end of the trip, as the ship was docking back in Brooklyn, she passed out in her room, no pulse no breathing. The ship's paramedics ran to the room and had to restart her heart FOUR times, while on the ship and on the way to the Hospital. Now, to this day, she is still in a coma. Her brain stem is fine, so autonomic functions like respiration, heartbeat, core temperature, blood flow, and digestion all work perfectly, but there seems to be (though it is not absolutely certain) widespread, anoxic damage to her cerebral cortex. In other words, it is very possible that her body works but Susan (that's her name) is no longer "in there."

Now the reason for this story is that she lived her life without any concern for taking care of her body. She was 305 pounds at 5' 2". She smoked AT LEAST two packs a day, ate terribly, led a completely sedentary lifestyle, and had no concern for body, even with hypertension, some pulmonary problems, and other minor health concerns. My point is that my sympathy for her doesn't end or have a short leash because she was so arrogantly irresponsible and feckless with her health. She is still, and will always be, my little sister, and I don't care what she did, she doesn't deserve this.

And I suspect, neither does your friend. Your next door neighbor deserves to be b*tchslapped with rubber chicken, yelled at, and even ridiculed, as does my sister. But he doesn't deserve a broken neck anymore than my syster deserves to be laying in a long term care facility with the only sign of "consciousness" being that when she wakes up (if you can even call it that) her eyes open and close, and her gaze looks around the room, but with not one other sign of any meaningful, intellectual existence or evidence of even the most basic understanding of her surroundings.

Arrogance and irresponsibility deserves criticism and instruction, certainly, but NOT the abandonment of empathy or sympathy...at least not in my opinion, anyway.

I hear you! Just understand that I have gotten a thousand times better than I was over the past decades. And the recent close call I delineated in this thread has had an effect of making me even more careful, for whatever that's worth!