i didn't read through all the long scripts above, so i'm sure there is some repeating. before i started commuting, i showed my wife my route. i broke it down to as many side or low volume streets as possible. i also avoid rush hour as much as possible. most mornings i'm at work before 7. this allows me to leave before 4. if i get in later, i don't leave work till after 5:30. first 2 days, she wanted me to text her when i got to work. after that, she seemed to settle down about it.

not too long ago i planned a century ride. i taped directions for my route to my top bar. gave her a copy of the same set. as i hit benchmarks on the way, i snapped a pic (for fun) and sent her a text.

keeping her informed will help calm her nerves. if she recites news stories of bad deals, analyze the story and find the cause. explain how you prepare and would deal with situations like in the story. if you have a close encounter, let her know. one, she will see that they don't happen that often. and two, she'll learn to trust your preparedness and judgement when under fire.

basically, get her to trust your judgement, your bike and the road the way you do.

or could could try preaching that you're less likely to die on a bike than in a car, but she probably won't appreciate that.