tsl has a lot of good recommendations although I would have a slightly different recommendation for rims.

The A23 is an amazing rim that is plenty strong for commuting, it is actually what I have on my current commuter but you only talked about durable and nothing about doing double duty as a go fast wheel. Velocity makes some rims that are still reasonably light but more durable and less expensive than the A23. The Dyad and the NoBS are my go to suggestion for those looking for very durable commuting wheels.

If your rims are failing simply because of the brake track wearing through the NoBS will give you a slight edge because it does not have a machined braking surface so it takes much longer to wear through. Do not worry about braking though, the extrusion is very good and the braking on my NoBS wheels is as smooth as anything with a machined sidewall. The Sun CR-18 is another fantastic option if you want to go with a little cheaper set of wheels.

For spokes, your basic double butted spoke from a quality manufacturer like DT or Wheelsmith is the way to go, pair this with brass nipples and a good builder and you have a set of wheels that should be good for tens of thousands of miles assuming no bad crashes.

For spoke count, find hubs you like that fit your budget, if they only come in 32 hole that is not a problem at all, go with it. If they give you an option for 36 hole I would do that, again just because you mention durability and you will not notice the extra 20 grams on a wheel commuting.

Most importantly a good wheel builder is key to this all lasting. It is not a difficult task but most people do not have the patience to do it right. A bad builder can take the best parts in the world and they will not last 1000 miles. If you choose to build them yourself, that is great! Just do your research on how to build and take your time making sure not to rush anything and you will have a great wheel.