Get a friend with a car to drive you to about half a mile from the nuisance mutt. Get on your bike with your friend a block or so behind you in his/her car. Be sure to pick a cold-blooded dog-hating friend as this will be helpful from this point forward. If the dog chases you, entice him/her to the opposite side of the road from the house it comes from, even if this means cycling on the left fog line (obviously without oncoming traffic). You may have to make a couple passes to get just the right setup. It would help if you were cycling downhill though.

When the mutt shows the first sign of getting tired or giving up have your friend accelerate to roughly 100 feet behind it. At 50 mph the car is moving about 73 feet per second. At 75 feet (about the length of a moderate house for reference) your friend should lay on the horn hard. The dog will freak and veer back toward home (and across the street). Whamo! Problem solved. Have your friend pick you up a mile down the road.

A nice touch is to have an ice chest with at least 2 cold bottles of Martinell's Sparking Apple Juice to clink together in celebration of your success and quite possibly saving some less experienced cyclist from harm later on.



Of course I would NEVER actually do this and neither should you...

One more thing. No matter how tempting it may be, do not use a dash cam during the hit. That'll get you 3 years if anyone sees that (remember Michael Vick?)