I almost died twice in the last year, which has made me start thinking more long-term. I want to be around for my kids. One of the times I almost died was because I was too busy taking care of my parents (dad has dementia, mom was recovering from sepsis) to go to the doctor when I was hemorrhaging. When I finally got my sister to come to town and sit with my parents (after a week of telling her how urgent it was), I called the doctor and they said I had to go to the ER, where they put me in their critical area and gave me two transfusions. After that I realized that I need to be selfish when it comes to taking care of myself. If my mom won't make any backup plans for emergencies, I can't afford to be that backup plan for her. The second time I almost died was during surgery...they said I had pneumonia but I was too heavy for the chest xray to show it before surgery, so I didn't start breathing again after my surgery.

At the same time, I don't want to live long enough to end up with dementia. My dad has early-onset Alzheimer's and it's so sad to see my sweet, funny dad turning into an obnoxious old racist who goes around saying suggestive things to every woman he sees.