OP I sense and share your frustration.

Both my mom and I have large calves. I am 5'6" with 18.5" calves and have struggled with my weight my entire life. The calves have stayed about the same size between a very lean 140# and very fat 295#. There wasn't even much change when I tore up a knee and was non-weightbearing on that leg for 8 weeks and in a brace for a year. Quads - absolutely it atrophied; calf, barely.
Mom was slightly taller, her weight was between 125# and 180#. Her ankles were slender, mine are large. I would guess her calves were at least 17". She wasn't athletic but was a very strong woman. I've heard stories about her carrying a 80# stack of shingles up a ladder to roof our house when she was 8 months pregnant with me.
It's been problemmatic buying socks, boots, and pants. The jeans I am wearing are skin tight in the calves and baggy in butt/thigh.
At least at my leanest weight the muscles were slightly more defined.
I suspect much of the bulk is water. Mom had to wear full-leg compression stockings in her final years.

My dad had bird legs despite carrying a few extra pounds in his mid-section. Thanks mom for the genes.