Three pages and nobody mentioned the Jethro Tule:



You can step on the flat end if necessary to tighten the nut.

Most patch kits carry a flat piece of rubber to use as a boot but almost anything will work good enough to get you home; plastic chip bags being a good strong choice.

I have a saddle bag that unclips quickly so I can take it with me if necessary. Spare tube, allen wrenches, tire levers, the Tule, patch kit all go inside. There's room for my ancient cellphone, too. I have a Topeak pump mounted alongside my bottle cage.