Haha, no kickstand
So I took apart the hub. The freehub body retaining screw was still tight-ish, but I unscrewed it and torqued it back down as tight as I could with a 6" wrench (I know, I should get a torque wrench).
With that out of the way, I found out my rear axle and skewer are bent

And they were brand new a week ago! Ridden something like 30 km. Off to the lbs to get new ones, but what could have caused this?