Ceya is absolutely spot on here. for years i loved messengering. working at TimeCycle in Philadelphia was one of the best times of my life up to now... but the fun is gone. and i should be too.

these are odd days for me... my mind is racing and i can hardly keep up, but at the same time i am sitting still, in a sense. no one is going to know what the hell i am on about, so just ignore it i guess... but yeah. messengering. it's fun. it sucks. it's the best, and it's the worst. it's worth trying, anyway. i didn't know what to expect when i started. i had no messenger friends, i wasn't in great shape, i didn't even know the city that well. after 4 years, i have had some of the most amazing, wonderful, painful, hopeless, frustrating, exhilarating, frightening, intense times of my life. a very large percentage of my best friends in the world are messengers, or were made through messengering. cities i've been to for races and championships that i never would have been to otherwise... and if i had - in a different capacity - i would never have experienced in the special and unique way that a messenger does. people i've met and shared tiny pieces of life with from nearly every corner of the globe... never would have been possible if not for messengering.

but i have to get out. i already tried the corporate thing. detested it. it chafed my soul (i do still have one, i promise) and destroyed my spirit. it was easy, it provided steady pay, benefits, dryness and warmth on **** weather days... i gave it up to be a messenger again. i don't regret it, i don't want to work for a corporation anymore. ever. time to give academia a shot? i think it is. i will still go to alleycats and championships, though. those are the absolute best parts about being a messenger. and i won't feel like a posenger (too much...). and you're guaranteed to see me on the velodrome. just don't make fun of me for being slow.

p.s. i feel like i'm writing a suicide note. i'm not. i would never.