In my bike store days, when a rider had repeated rim failures that took the form of spokes pulling through the spoke holes in rims, it turned out that the rims were fairly light but the spokes were heavy gauge.

Unless I missed it, you haven't mentioned whether the wheels were custom built or off the shelf. Either way, wheel builders and shop employees tend to use spoke tension gauges to ensure that spokes are tensioned to the maximum recommended by the spoke manufacturer.

Which is great when the spokes are light gauge and the rim is light, or when the spokes are heavy gauge and the rim is heavy, or even when the spokes are light gauge and the rim is heavy.

But using heavy-gauge spokes in a light rim is not good, so if that's what you've been using, that's where I'd look for the source of your wheel problems.

By the way, I've talked to highly respected wheel builders who were unaware that heavy-gauge spokes shouldn't be used in light rims, so be prepared for skepticism on that point. Me, I'd just have a new wheel built with a strong rim and light- or medium-gauge spokes. Chances are that your luck would improve with that wheel.