Dear Ask Zach,
Why does my bottom bracket creak?
-Squeeky in Seattle

Well Sissy,

Bottom bracket noises could be a number of things. Often they are mistaken for other noises from other parts in the drivetrain. What is certain is that your bike does not love you. You can lube it regularly and install everything with fresh grease and proffesional hands but it's not going to be enough. Even the expensive accessories you bought it last summer weren't enough. And lets face it: you bought those because you were already trying to patch a failing relationship. Gifts mean nothing without meaning, you dig?

You both know you're fighting a losing battle and feigning ingorance is not going to change the fact that that man hurrying away from your apartment complex was not wearing a similiar shirt that you owned, it WAS your shirt and your girlfriend was not just getting out of the ****ing shower. Face it- it's ****ing over and there's not a goddamn thing you can buy that will bring happ- **** happiness it won't even bring contentment back or anything close to what you shared back when you ****ing cared about each other! You've got to just let her go. Maybe if you'd done things differently; and never mind the **** that YOU pulled, it's not about that its just.. **** it ... You gotta just let her go. There's no other way. I've tried OK? I've been there, and you've got to just get it right the first ****ing time even though that thats neigh impossible and you know, maybe you just needed to meet her at a different point in your life or maybe.. she wasn't the right one. Just move on, man. Just move the **** on.. Now stop crying. STOP IT! Stop crying you little *****!

-Ask Zach