I take great delight in hunting punks who shoot red lights and enjoy the look on their faces when glide past on freewheel. I also race the sneering bike messengers on fixies because I don't take well to being looked down upon. Other than that London doesn't lend itself well to impromptu bike racing.

I did have one moment the other morning when I came off the lights rolled up behind another rider who was going just a little bit slower than I wanted to. I pulled out of the bike lane and started to accelerate and he starts matching pace. I give it a bit more and start nosing past and he does the same. Not really that fussed but we're now on a bit of an incline and if I start freewheeling to let him pass it's going to take ages and besides, he's acting like and idiot so I start laying it down and eventually scape him off using another bike lane user. He only drafted until I took a tight line through some horse poo.

I'm not enamoured of city-drafters. I'm not sure what leads them to do it as I don't look or act like a club rider. I have no team colours and tend to dance around potholes, manholes and the like. On one occasion, after telling the drafter in no uncertain or polite terms to get off of my back wheel, I decided to leave him to it and beat him severely with his own chainring if he caused a crash. Shortly after I took a gap and as he tried to follow he ended up bouncing off the side off a black cab. His bike seemed OK but I think his ego required urgent medical attention.