When I worked for Bicycling I refused to do "bike reviews." Finally they made me do one. My article had phrases like, "The brakes stop it on a cliche, which is a coin slightly smaller than a dime." "The seatpost and saddle held me up admirably, and the cranks didn't break or fall off." After that they stopped asking.

Then I wrote the Universal Bike Review for my own magazine, Fat Tire Flyer, which can be used for any bicycle.