Its not our first time that a member of the forum let their self vent here. I read your post and only hoped that you find some peace, and you find some professional help. We all have some things in our past, and no one here claims perfection, that I know of. Taking time away can let you gather your thoughts, and let yourself begin healing.

Best wishes on getting your self sorted, and that you can find how you will heal the inner wounds.

Bill