I have diverticulitis, which is I think what prevents the sugar alcohols from having any laxative effect on me-- so instead they just reward me with feelings ranging from general malaise to upset stomach with a bit of reflux. I can also taste them in pretty much whatever food they're in, which I'm thankful of as I can then stop eating whatever it is after the first bite. Even sugar-free gum gets me-- I can have maybe 2 pieces, but a third will have me regretting it. I took a drink of my wife's Atkins no-carb "sugar-free" sports drink she takes on the bike rides, and it immediately gave me the sweats. That was weird.

But when it comes to my old friend white sugar, I used to be able to sit and eat fudge until everyone else is ready to throw up from the sight of it. The diverticulitis took my beloved soda away from me (I spent my 20s and 30s as a 6-pack-a-day Dr. Pepper man) so my typical daily sugar intake dropped +300g instantly. Now everything sweet is too sweet-- a 2oz piece of fudge at Universal Studios took me an hour to finish. But it doesn't give me anything like rapid heart rate or anything-- it's literally just too sweet. Frosting? No way. The darker the chocolate the better.