[MENTION=464547]Kokiafan[/MENTION] You are not a meaningless sack of meat. The fact that you reached out to a stranger over the internet shows that you are caring. I'm betting that people you interact with, even strangers, see that caring side. That means you are making a positive difference in this world.

I've managed to survive to middle age, and I remember the very dark days in my 20s. It does get better. It really does.

I would suggest a second opinion with a new psychiatrist. I would suggest that be with one who recognizes the value in working with you for management of your health instead of one that feels he or she controls your health. Too many psychiatrists fall into the "god" mode, where they believe they know what is best for you and you have nothing of value to add. Combine that with a type of patient that is mentally vulnerable and it just gets ugly.

I would also review what all you have tried. Too many psychiatrists get trapped in the mindset that older antidepressants have too many side effects and the SSRIs and SNRIs are the way to go. Side effects are individual, a single person could have a worse reaction to the new, low side effect classes than they would to the older ones. Also, who knows what is out of whack in your brain. I have the strange effect that SSRIs and SNRIs have zero positive effects on me, but older stuff that work on more brain chemicals that tend to be minor players in depression are very helpful to me.

Hugs to you. Keep fighting it.