I'm paraphrasing the below. It was long and drawn out and very frustrating. It was almost "Would you like some water?" "Sorry sir, I don't like flying in planes." And so forth.

"You can return it, follow the directions sent ..."
"I did and none of the six locations I went too can handle the size of my package" <-- Snicker

"OK I've ordered a replacement, keep the old one. go look at your orders"
"That's the wrong product"
"Thanks! Is there anything else I can help you with today?"

Wash, rinse a repeat a few times, with corrects and "I don't understand, sorry..." here and there... You can return it, sorry wrong thing, please check oh sorry not that item, I thought, etc.

Finally ...
"Oh that product can't be sent an automatic replacement you will have to send the product back, follow the directions ...."
"**Response removed for decency**"

"OK I will arrange for pickup from your home...."

"Waaaiiiiiitttttt a minute, I could have had this picked up from my house?"

" more stuff ..."