Ha! No zinc and a volleyball, but you do get style points.

I did a review on the SHIFTER glasses, which is why I know a lot about them and recommend them. Bolle SHIFTER review here. I can't say whether they'll be your solution, but indications are strong. Look for a local bike shop that stocks them to try them on before buying, or buy from somewhere that will let you return or exchange if they end up not being what works for you.