Yeah, I watched for like 15 minutes and the owner didn't come back out of the coffee shop.

No, someone on a local neighborhood info-sharing website posted that it had been sitting out by the sidewalk for at least a week. Took the dog for a walk to go see it. As usual, I think: Even if only the wheels are good, that's worth a whole lot to me. I could also donate some or all of the bike to the local co-op.

I knew it was possible it was a case of a stolen bike that had been dumped, however...

...both tires were flat (and they both hold air), the battery in the computer is dead, the front derailleur was all but stuck, hmm. what else? It looks like a case of a bike that had sat for probably at least a few years in someone's garage or storage area then was set out when someone moved out of their house or apartment.