In the last 6 years a lot of crap has happened. Laid off, moved twice leaving behind my cycling group, put on some weight, diagnosed with hypertension and put on meds. I've kept up the randonneuring, finishing two more 1200s but it's clearly harder. On brevets, I've gone from a front-third finisher to a last-third finisher. October last year, just after finishing a tough 1000k, I fractured my neck in a bad crash, setting things way way back. Basically a six year downhill slide with an exclamation point.

I'm finding the recovery harder than expected. Not because of loss of fitness; it's the lack of willingness to suffer. Just 6 years ago at age 54, in 24 hours of focused effort I covered 400 miles. Tonight I went out and did hill repeats, and I'd say my intentions to lay down some rule #5 were not met due to general wussiness.

Getting slower with age is expected, and even to be embraced as yet another challenge. But this... basically I feel like I've gotten mentally soft, and that is creating an existential crisis.

wtf.