Thanks for the productive replies. No thanks for the sarcastic ones, but I'm cutting people a little slack for being frustrated and a little nastier these days.
Four things I want to point out.
1. Despite being acutely aware that we are in a "world health crisis," I try very hard to keep my own frustration and fears out of comments I post on newsgroups that function as a respite for people like myself who are on COVID/Politics/Racism overload. Yes, my cheap crank recall is a minuscule issue compared to almost 600,000 coronavirus deaths as of today, but I have a theory that these might be the best days of the rest of our lives and I've decided to spend them doing the things I enjoy the most; things I can do without putting my health - and the health of others - at risk. Cycling is one of those things. The season for me, here in NY, is short and I don't want to miss the entire summer and fall because Shimano's attorneys say I can't replace my own parts on a bike I have been disassembling, servicing, and rebuilding every year since the late 1990's. All I want is to keep riding and to know the parts will be shipped to me when available.
2. As madpoque very perceptively speculated, as the result of what I see as a risky driving arrangement at work, I have chosen to use my bicycle to travel ten miles to work four mornings per week. I am not permitted to use my own car, and I refuse to pack into a minivan with four other people, all of whom are COVID deniers and mask rebels. Yes, I have other bikes, but one is a small, single-speed folder, another is a mountain bike lacking the connection points I need for all the baggage I have to carry to work, and another is a clunky single-speed beach cruiser that would never get me over the hills I need to negotiate. Quite honestly, though, it's nobody's business why I choose to ride the bike that I do and why it's still my main set of wheels after 25 years. I am not part of the Throw-Away-Last-Year's-iPhone-Generation.
3. I believe the reason Shimano is still honoring the recall is that the cranks continued to be sold until fairly recently. I bought mine, new, as a replacement from a legitimate bike shop in 2016, almost twenty years after the initial recall. Either someone screwed up or this was a type of recall that allowed Shimano to keep dumping its inventory until someone got killed using their crankset.
4. My preferred solution from this thread so far is to look for a shop that is willing to trust me with the replacements (I have done bb's, cranks, chains, and derailleurs on this bike before) and do the whole thing through the mail. The local shops will not even let me keep the bike until the parts come in, which, as noted earlier, could be 2-3 months, minimum, as per Shimano itself. To semi-guarantee that the service will be performed within the time estimated, they want the bike in the shop and ready to go up on the stand at any given moment. Seems like it should create a storage problem for them, doesn't it?