All of you are making this way too hard. Use the previously mentioned chainstay/walking technique.

a) Put chain on both the cog and the chainring with the rear axle loose in the droputs.
b) Pull back on the non-drive side nut first and tighten the nut moderately. The wheel will be cockeyed in the frame and there will be no tension in the chain. That's OK.
c) Then use your hand to manually push the front of the rim so it's roughly straight in the frame. You'll notice that the chain suddenly has a lot of tension. Moderately tighten the drive side nut.
d) Re-loosen the non-drive side nut and fine tune the wheel position til it's perfect.

At your first try the chain tension may be too great, so loosen the drive side again and fiddle with it until it's tight enough that it's impossible to push the chain off the chainring while you slowly (and carefully) spin the cranks. This usually freaks people out a bit because with this tension you hear a lot of drivetrain noise which may sound like grinding a bit. It's supposed to be that way. Fixed does not = silent. The people that leave a lot of slack for a quieter ride are the ones that wind up eating bumpers when they drop a chain.
There should be no noticeable droop in the chain in it's final tensioning, but there should also be no binding when you spin the cranks.